A 70-YEAR LEGACY OF LOVE
By Rudy Larini
Star Ledger, NJ
May 2 2007
Haig and Elsie Gamarekian sway gently in a swinging loveseat in front
of their Clifton home, rummaging through time-misted reminiscences
of two long lives.
After a time, as a visitor rises to go, Haig Gamarekian springs to
his feet.
"But wait," he says. "I promised I’d sing you a song before you leave."
With that, he bursts into a homespun, off-key ditty about days of
old and men long gone — of suffrage and Carnegie and Rockefeller
and Henry Ford.
His wife can only sigh, glance at the visitor and shoot her husband
a loving wince.
After seven decades, she knows his antics all too well.
The Gamarekians, he 94 and she 93, will quietly celebrate 70 years
of wedded bliss today — a remarkable milestone they attribute to an
abiding faith in family values.
"Having a close-knit family," Elsie Gamarekian said. "And him being
the boss."
Ben Beitin, a Seton Hall professor of psychology and family therapy,
said such longevity in marriage is highly uncommon, the human life
span being what it is. But he said the secret of any long-lasting
marriage is universal: it must be based on a "foundation of romance,
love, communication and accepting each other’s differences."
In the case of the Gamarekians, he said, their Armenian heritage also
may have played a role.
"I’m sure they took messages from their culture of what it means to
stay in a marriage," the professor said.
The Gamarekians met in the mid-1930s at an Armenian party in Newark,
hometown of then Elsie Holopikian.
He stopped by her house the next day to ask for a date, but not before
enduring a grilling by her brother, Charles.
"He had to see him and talk to him and know who he was before I was
allowed to go out with him," Elsie Gamarekian said. "I was brought
up very strict, no dating, no nothing."
It wasn’t a long courtship — maybe a year or so, in their faded
recollections — before they married at the Westminster Presbyterian
Church in Paterson, Haig Gamarekian’s hometown. It was the height of
the Depression, and they couldn’t afford a wedding reception.
Instead, they celebrated quietly with family and friends.
"We didn’t have much money, so we just took the bridal group out and
had dinner in a restaurant," Elsie Gamarekian said.
The Gamarekians have two children — Miriam and Charles — five
grandchildren and two great-grandchildren.
"We have a good, close family," Haig Gamarekian said. "I believe
in that."
"They are definitely the foundation of our family," said granddaughter
Lisa McAteer of Milford, Pa.
"They are two of the most loving, giving people," she said. "We’ve
learned so much from them. They’ve inspired us, and we look to benefit
from the same love in our own lives."
She recalled how her grandparents would drive up to her family’s home
in Sparta every Tuesday night when she was growing up.
"Tuesday night was spaghetti night and grandma would cook her famous
spaghetti," McAteer said. On weekends, her grandparents would come
to the house to baby-sit the kids so her parents could have a "date
night," she said.
Daughter Miriam Gamarekian attributes her parents’ long marriage to
"their compatibility and their respect for each other."
"They’re so into each other, even at this age," she said. "They’re
matriarchs of the family, or whatever the word is. We look up to them."
She said her parents remain spirited despite their advanced age.
"They’re minds are always going," she said, adding her mother enjoys
crossword puzzles and helps out on her computer with her daughter’s
party-planning business.
Haig Gamarekian was born in Paterson and his parents died a year
apart before he was 13 years old. He went to live with an uncle in
Paterson and worked in his grocery store. Gamarekian went to work
in the printing and engraving business and eventually owned shops in
Passaic and then Clifton before retiring when he was 65.
Now, he said, he looks back fondly on some of the things age no longer
allows him to do.
"You get to my age, you live on batteries. I’ve got a pacemaker. When
you get older, you miss the things you used to do around the house,"
he said, staring at the front lawn of the house where they have
lived for 45 years. "Cutting the grass. I used to have a garden in
the back. You miss those things."
His wife, who was born in New York City and grew up in Newark, worked
more than 30 years for a real estate and insurance firm in Paterson.
She earned her real estate license when she was in her late 40s,
but never sold any property.
"I’m not a salesperson," she admitted sheepishly, her mane of neatly
coifed, silver-gray hair belying her age.
The Gamarekians live simple lives. Haig Gamarekian usually drives
each morning to his son’s paving stone business in Lyndhurst, where
he opens mail and runs small errands.
They also care for a 12-year-old Yorkie named "Pebbles" given to them
by a granddaughter.
"She does us good," Elsie Gamarekian said. "We sit outside with her.
He walks her."
And with a disbelieving smile, she said, "Old age stinks.
"But we’ve had good times — memories," she added, the smiling
returning. "Oh yes, we have nice memories."