CivilNet: Day 22, Diary of War, Artsakh / Nagorno Karabakh

CIVILNET.AM

07:38

I know that today, like every day, many awful things have happened, but now I want to write about love and hope.

After I wrote yesterday's post, we received the news that on October 18, at 12am, everything will stop and there will be a ceasefire. I, like everyone else, was very skeptical about this. But the desire to believe was so huge that I thought, "Even if this is not true, I want to rejoice at the news at this moment." I decided to just enjoy the moment, because the last time it lasted so little.

And also, my roommate’s birthday is on the 18th. I wanted to congratulate her at 12am. I had an hour and a half left. What to do? Since there is nowhere to order a cake, it was necessary to cope with what was on hand. And fortunately, Nutella was at hand yesterday. Yes, I received “a humanitarian aid” from friends. I cut off the lavash, divided it into circles, spread it with Nutella, put chocolate on top, and voila – here's your cake! I also found a candle, which was kept in case the lights were turned off. Right at 12am, when the imaginary ceasefire came into effect, I went to my roommate with candles in my hands, and not the best cake in the world. It seems to me that this made her a little bit happier, I really hope so! We drank tea, wished peace and went to bed.

I was so excited by the news of the ceasefire that I could not sleep. I wrote to friends, discussed how reliable it was, how long it would last this time… I could not sleep until four, until I saw a message that the armistice was again violated by the enemy. I thought: “No, Lika, well, you really couldn't fall asleep one day with good news, right? Was it necessary to wait? ” But despite everything, not all was in vain…

In the morning I woke up from the dearest voice. It seemed like a dream. It was easier to believe that the war was over than that the owner of my fish had come back from war. It was not a dream, nor a fantasy, nor a hallucination. Yes, it was him, and today was my best morning since it all began. Tears are not always from sadness, they are stronger when happiness awakens them. There is a phrase in the Armenian, “The world becomes yours”. When someone is very, very happy and does not know how to explain it, they say, as if the world became mine… So, this is what I experienced today… Today the world was mine for a moment…

I think how a day can become so warm and dear, just because one person has appeared in it. And how little we really need to be happy. I became fearless – went out into the street, walked in the sun even though it was still unsafe. For a second I forgot that there was a war in the yard, and that we were all in such danger…

It's sad that it's only for a day. From tomorrow, I am again the guardian of the fish. But this day was worth everything that I have experienced before it. And you know? There was a feeling that the war, after all, received my letter…

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Emil Lazarian

“I should like to see any power of the world destroy this race, this small tribe of unimportant people, whose wars have all been fought and lost, whose structures have crumbled, literature is unread, music is unheard, and prayers are no more answered. Go ahead, destroy Armenia . See if you can do it. Send them into the desert without bread or water. Burn their homes and churches. Then see if they will not laugh, sing and pray again. For when two of them meet anywhere in the world, see if they will not create a New Armenia.” - WS