NOT FOR NAUGHT: STRATEGIES TO TAKE NOW TO MAKE SURE YOUR HEIRS DON’T FORGET YOU OR YOUR VALUES
By Robert Powell, MarketWatch
MarketWatch
Aug 27 2008
BOSTON (MarketWatch) — Surely it’s impossible to remember each and
every person who has ever lived. But that’s what most of us want. We
want to be remembered. We want our memory, our principles and values,
and our legacy to live on long after we have passed on. The trouble
is very few of us know how to do that.
To be sure, the wealthy can have hospital wings and concert halls
named in their honor. Those of more ordinary means might start a
charitable walk or a book drive in memory of loved ones. Others might
simply create scrapbooks.
Years ago, after my mother died, I read "Transcending Loss," a book
that helped motivate me to keep her memory alive. My mother was
of Armenian descent, her mother having come to America as a young
girl, a survivor of last century’s first genocide. I volunteered to
serve on the board of a small nonprofit that preserves the visual
and oral histories of Armenians, essentially a mini-version of the
Shoah Foundation. That organization, Project SAVE Armenian Photograph
Archives, is now digitizing its collection of photographs, in effect
preserving the memories of thousands of Armenians, some of whom might
otherwise be forgotten, including my mother and grandmother.
In recent years, other books — "The Ultimate Gift" is perhaps the
most memorable one — and other organizations — AARP most recently —
have weighed in on the subject. Here’s what experts have to say about
making sure you don’t die twice.
Worry less about how, and more about why The first order of business
is to think about why you want to create a legacy. Then tackle the
how. "Creating a lasting legacy that will succeed you for generations
to come is not an easy process, but one that provides tremendous
rewards for those successful," said Todd Fithian, chief executive of
The Legacy Companies.
Document your life story Almost to a person, experts suggest that you
document, in writing and by audio/visual means, your life story. That
story should include all life’s plot points, but it should also address
your values and the things for which you really want to be remembered.
In "The Ultimate Gift," Jim Stovall tells the story of Red Stevens,
a self-made man who died and left behind a most unusual will and
legacy. In the book, one of Red’s heirs, great-nephew Jason, has to
pass a series of tests to get his share of Red’s estate. But those
tests are less about getting a slice of Red’s fortune and more about
getting a different sort of gift, Red’s values and life lessons. In
short, Jason gets Red’s views on work, learning, money, friends,
dreams, giving and gratitude. By the end of the book, we are certain
Red’s legacy will live on.
"We can cripple our children and grandchildren if we give them the
fruits of our lifelong labor without the lessons we have learned along
the way," Stovall wrote in an email message. "Money can be either
good or bad but it creates responsibility for those that hold it. If
we give our children the money without the responsibility attached
to it, we are giving them a loaded gun without instruction in how to
handle it safely. I believe this teaching should be a lifelong process,
not just some paperwork that accompanies the last will and testament."
If you are overwhelmed by the prospect of writing a life story, use
one of the many toolkits that are available. AARP offers some, as does
"The Ultimate Gift" Web site. Or consider hiring a professional. Many
financial advisers are being trained, by the likes of Fithian and
Mitch Anthony of Financial Life Planning, to document their clients’
life stories for the benefit of loved ones.
For those who don’t like the prospect of putting pen to paper, or
finger to keyboard, or hiring a financial adviser, Fithian recommends
hiring a writer or videographer to record your life story.
Actions speak louder than words It’s one thing to write your life
story. But another effective way to create a legacy is to show your
loved ones what’s important to you by your actions. For instance, I
serve on the boards of several non-profits as part of my desire to show
my children that it’s important to give back to one’s community. Those
kind of life lessons will create lasting memories, Fithian said.
Hold informal family meetings Documenting your life story is an
ambitious project, one seemingly so overwhelming and ambitious that you
might never write word one. So, what’s the next best thing? Fithian
recommends holding informal family meetings in which you talk about
your life, your motivations, your traditions. You can hold these
meeting when families gather for the holidays. "Talk about what the
family stands for and what’s important to you," Fithian said.
Tell stories For those who don’t want to hold even informal family
meetings, others suggest taking any and all opportunities with loved
loves to tell a yarn or two. Amy Goyer of AARP advises passing on
your life’s lesson not by lecturing, but by sharing stories. Likewise,
she suggests addressing tough topics through stories. "There are many
subjects that are difficult to talk about, especially for children,"
she wrote in a recent article. "Don’t be afraid to talk about fears
and challenges through stories about making choices and what happens
as a result."
Set up a donor-advised fund or private foundation Consider setting up
a private foundation (if you’re rich enough) or a donor-advised fund
in which your loved ones can donate money to causes that are important
to you and that get to the heart of what you stand for. Creating a
mission statement for the fund or foundation is a must.
Fast forward Imagine for a moment that you failed to help your heirs
keep your memory alive with a book, video/audio recording, or by
other means. If that’s the case, consider reading a book such as
"Transcending Loss." That kind of book tells survivors how to turn
their grief into lasting memories. Reading such a book might inspire
you to act now. Indeed, people talk about creating lasting memories
all the time, Fithian said. Trouble is, many people don’t approach
the task with any urgency. Fithian’s advice: "Don’t procrastinate."
Resources "The Ultimate Gift" Web site offers a template that helps
you tell your story.
See this AARP article on "Make Your Family Stories Come to Life."
Center for Digital Storytelling Web site offers resources.
Robert Powell has been a journalist covering personal finance issues
for more than 20 years, writing and editing for publications such
as The Wall Street Journal, the Financial Times, and Mutual Fund
Market News.