“ARMENIAN TIME IS RUNNING LATE”
[ Part 2.2: “Attached Text” ]
– August 17, 2013
[w36-298×300.jpg] By Tom Vartabedian
Question: “What time is it when it’s Armenian time?”
Answer: “Well past the hour of punctuality.”
As a conscientious Armenian, I like to be on time. I like to see
events begin on time. As a journalist, I’ve always been raised in a
punctual world – by the clock.
This business about “hurry up and wait” may fit well with the military
but not in my world. With some of us, the trouble with being prompt
is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
There’s another drawback. Those who don’t keep proper time look at me
as if I were some sort of oddball. They think I never have anything
to do.
If I show up for a 10 o’clock Badarak, I’m in close company with the
Der Hayr, one or two deacons and a soloist. One benefit, if you’re a
people watcher, is getting to see all those who straggle into church
at odd times.
Another is finding a parking place close to the door. I can’t for
the life of me figure why anyone would come traipsing through the
door 10 minutes before the service ends.
And because I love to punch a clock, I waste a lot of time waiting
for others to arrive. For that reason, I have a wife who hates to be
the first one there.
“No sense in getting there on time,” she’ll maintain. “No one else
will be there.”
At church, you can always count your blessings. If you have none to
count, you can always count the lights in a chandelier or better yet,
read the bible.
Of course, it doesn’t help when the service goes two hours and people
get restless. You might catch them having a coffee on religious time.
At parties, early arrivals can enjoy first helpings at the onion dip
and get a jump on the other appetizers. As a patron of promptness,
you can always be the first to leave because you were the first to
arrive, especially if the evening is a bore.
I’m willing to bet that in most Armenian homes, there is usually one
spouse who maintains a prompt attitude and another who enjoys being
fashionably late. How did this trend start, you may ask?
I have no idea but I can tell you my grandmother spoke of Armenian
time with a snicker. She often told me my grandfather would be late for
his own funeral. As to my parents, dad was a stickler for punctuality
while mom was the dallying sort.
I certainly inherited his genes and usually end up having an anxiety
attack whenever we’re to step out for the evening. I’ve been known
to inform my other half that the concert is slated to begin at 7:30,
when in actuality it was 8 o’clock.
That way, I could breathe a sigh of relief knowing we’d be 15 minutes
early as opposed to 15 minutes late.
I’ve even taken the liberty to secretly move the clocks back a half
hour to erase any doubt of a last-minute frenzy.
“We’re running late,” I’ll proclaim. “Let’s get moving.”
“Goodness, where did the time go all of a sudden?” she’ll gasp.
“I’ll only be a minute.”
Make that another half hour Armenian time.
Both my sons are punctual to an extreme. I cannot say the same for
a daughter who, I’m afraid, has lost all concept of time. She has
written every sequel to Armenian time.
“Better late than never,” is her favorite adage. “Don’t get me
stressed out.”
I believe it’s a case of how we manage our time. If we take an hour
to read the Sunday paper over a lumberjack’s breakfast and manicure
our nails, there’s no way the average Armenian can make a 10 o’clock
Badarak, unless they get up at 5 a.m.
The last four Armenian events I’ve attended were late in starting.
Had you attended the Kohar Symphony concert Nov. 3, you would have
gotten my drift.
People were taking their seats well after the start which was delayed
15 minutes for that very reason – to get people seated in time.
Perhaps we can take a lesson from American time. It waits for no man –
Armenian or not. Try being 15 minutes late for an attorney. The clock
is usually running and doesn’t hesitate when there’s a fee involved.
After all is said and done, Armenian punctually is a virtue –
especially if you want to avoid meeting people. We may be late
on occasion but at least we’re reliable. And it usually gets you
an apology.
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